Post by Chris Gurney on Oct 25, 2008 15:55:31 GMT
If like me you work with a bunch of sarcastic people then here are a few good put downs....
* I'd insult you, but you're not bright enough to notice.
* Does your train of thought have a caboose?
* I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?
* Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
* A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
* Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
* Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
* I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
* Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?
* If I throw a stick, will you leave?
* You!...Off my planet!
* Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
* And which dwarf are you?
* If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cats.
* And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
* Do I look like a people person?
* This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
* I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
* I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
* Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
* Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
* Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
* A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
* A PBS mind in an MTV world.
* Allow me to introduce my selves.
* Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
* Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
* See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
* It ain't the size, it's... no, it's the size.
* Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1?
* I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
* Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.
* Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
* Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
* I plead contemporary insanity.
* How do I set a laser printer to stun?
* Meandering to a different drummer.
* The difference between this company and a cactus plant is that the plant has pricks on the outside.
* May your daughters' hair grow thick, black, and abundant -- all over their faces.
* May your children be so famous every policeman knows them.
* May the Fleas of a Thousand Camels infest one of your Erogenous Zones.
* I'd insult you, but you're not bright enough to notice.
* Does your train of thought have a caboose?
* I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?
* Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
* A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
* Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
* Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
* I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
* Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?
* If I throw a stick, will you leave?
* You!...Off my planet!
* Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
* And which dwarf are you?
* If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cats.
* And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
* Do I look like a people person?
* This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
* I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
* I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
* Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
* Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
* Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
* A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
* A PBS mind in an MTV world.
* Allow me to introduce my selves.
* Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
* Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
* See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
* It ain't the size, it's... no, it's the size.
* Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1?
* I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
* Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.
* Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
* Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
* I plead contemporary insanity.
* How do I set a laser printer to stun?
* Meandering to a different drummer.
* The difference between this company and a cactus plant is that the plant has pricks on the outside.
* May your daughters' hair grow thick, black, and abundant -- all over their faces.
* May your children be so famous every policeman knows them.
* May the Fleas of a Thousand Camels infest one of your Erogenous Zones.
